The Real Names Of These 21 Fictional Characters Might Ruin Your Childhood

Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch. Hooray-tio.

Jeff Albertson. Worst real name ever.

Scoobert. Scoobert Doo. Snack on that.

Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. No wonder he was hiding behind a curtain.

Woody Pride. Was that a secret nod to the gay rights movement?

Angus MacGyver. I would have guessed Scottish Mullet MacGee

Veritably Clean. He got his name in a competition in 1963. The winner won a fully furnished house. The other entries must have been awful.

Sid. Seriously. Turns out he doesn't just love cookies, he's emotionally overeating to fill the hole of being a giant dweeb.

Kitty White. The secret love child of Betty?

Cavity Sam. :swipes left:

Barbara Millicent Roberts. Even with that middle name I'm still jealous of her.

Edward Bear. Eddy bear? Where did Winnie come from? Ohhh, Edwin? I'm done guessing.

Patricia Reichardt. A German, eh? Why all the secrecy?

Milburn Pennybags. Bags of pennies? Ew.

Tweety Pie. Get it? He couldn't pronounce "Sweety" so they changed it for him.

His full name was Casper McFadden. Still dead, though.

Salvatore Assante. But everyone called him Turtle 'cause he was the fat one.

Bernie Liederkrantz. Turns out Smiley was just a stage name to hide his ethnic-ness.

Jonas Grumby. Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale about the Skipper's name.

Gordon Shumway. Not and A, L, or F in the mix :/

Poppin' Fresh. What should we name him, Mrs. Fresh? I dunno, an adverb?