Can we tell what kind of person you are from your Starbucks order?

You’re the human equivalent of a pumpkin spiced latte: a basic bitch. You strut around with your squad, rose gold iPhone 6S in one hand and a Starbucks travel mug in the other, sipping politely on a random drink you plucked from the menu and hoping nobody will realise you actually really hate coffee. Do everyone – and your wallet - a favour and just stop pretending. No one will judge you (that much).

You’re the type of person to order a skinny vanilla latte, no foam, bragging about how you can afford to be ‘naughty’ because, ‘did you know I go to the gym like every day?’. You try a juice cleanse every other week, making the rest of us feel bad about ordering cheesy fries even though we all know you’re secretly super jealous.

You just want to get your coffee and leave, none of the fancy, “secret” menu shit for you, no sir. You like your coffee plain, and with as much caffeine as it can hold. There’s a sense of superiority that comes with such a minimalist coffee order, which even the barista notices when you roll your eyes at him correcting your ‘medium’ with a ‘grande’. We get it, you just really like normal, plain coffee. Maybe next time just go to a normal, plain coffee shop to match.

You don’t even try to pretend like you give a damn about coffee; Starbucks has free wifi and comfy chairs, so that’s where you like to be. You come in with your Macbook and settle in for the day, ordering the occasional drink, and maybe a slice of chocolate cake. You would definitely be just as comfy at home – if not more – but then who would see you pretending to be creative, listening to your Spotify playlist labelled ‘Coffee’? You’re not that much better than the posers to be honest, although you’d never admit it.

You’re the real life version of Chanel from Scream Queens, your typical order being a ‘trenta no-foam five-shot half-caf no-foam pumpkin spice latte with no foam at 210 degrees’. AKA a barista’s worst nightmare. They say they don’t mind making you something off the “Secret menu” (because, seriously, what princess wants to drink the same thing as the peasants?), but they do mind. They really do. And with all the death glares you’ll be getting, it’s probably safer to just make your coffee at home.