If My Panic Disorder Could Speak, This Is What It Would Say

What's that noise? Is the front door locked? Did put the alarm on? Is someone outside? I think someone's outside.

It's nothing. You put the alarm on. You're okay.

NO YOU'RE NOT. WHAT WAS THAT? GO AND CHECK.

No, he's right. Go and check. I'm sure it's nothing. It'll make you feel better.

WAIT! The lights aren't on. What if you trip and fall on your way? There won't be anyone here to help you up!

You won't. Just get up slowly, and walk carefully. You should be fine.

See what she says there? She says "Should be." Not "Will be." No guarantees. How can you be sure?

I can't be, but it's probably nothing, and we'll probably be fine.

EXACTLY. WHAT IF WE AREN'T.

But we probably will be.

Every time you say probably I want to puke! PROBABLY MEANS NOTHING.

But you have to be. Nothing is for sure. Everyone has to accept the same thing.

YOU SEE, YOU SEE! She's trying to kill you. She knows there's something out there.

There isn't anything out there. Go and look.

But what if there is? What if it's a man with a gun? A lot of people don't like you...

I mean, forget about outside. What if you slip and fall, and hit your head and end up unconscious on the floor, or bleeding, or with a head wound, and there's no one here to wake you and you just die on the floor because you heard a random noise one night and thought you should go and look into it? HUH?! That could happen!

It's incredibly unlikely though.

BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY IMPOSSIBLE, DID SHE?!

Exactly. Stay in bed. Hopefully no one is trying to get in, but you should stay alert just in case.

NO! You could drop it on yourself. Or it could be cops and then you'll get arrested.

Exactly as I say.

Hey- your chest is getting tight. What's that about?

Wait...are you having a heart attack?! You might be having a heart attack?

Could be! Definitely stay exactly where you are. Don't want to make it worse.

You're not having a heart attack, you're panicking. It's okay. Feel your pulse. You're okay. I promise.

Oh yeah? This another sure thing, or just another 'COULD BE?"

Nothing is sure. The whole universe is constantly in flux. That's just the way it is. Anything can happen to anyone at any time. You have to live with it-we all do. Try to find some joy in that total freedom.

ANYTHING to ANYONE at ANYTIME? That sounds like TOTAL CHAOS to me.

Because it's TERRIFYING.

Look, I don't make the rules. I'm only useful here if you use me.

Well then maybe you should JUST GO.

Okay. I'm out.

FINALLY.

We wait.

The next bad thing to happen.

Oh, I'm 100% sure.