How good are your British translation skills?

"I've spent 5 hours tidying in preparation for your visit"

"Please excuse the mess"

"You've more chance of seeing a flying pig than you have of seeing me later"

"You will see how you feel but you absolutely intend to go out"

"Move your bloody bag before I throw it out the window!"

"Is someone sitting in that seat and can I sit there please?"

"Let's get absolutely trolleyed [very drunk] and eat a kebab on the way home at 4am"

"Let's have a quiet drink and then go on our respective ways"

"It looks much better. Thanks"

"OMG! You've ruined my life, you idiot!"

"Many thanks for saving me a job. Really appreciate it"

"Thanks for putting all my plates and pans in the wrong place"

"Wow! Your sun tan looks great!"

"Go immediately to hospital"

"I think I might look at Twitter in the bedroom"

"I'm really tired"

"This is going to be a total disaster"

"We've got nothing to lose!"

"Please don't ever say it again"

"I remember that you said that"