Simon Interviewed by His Hipster Dad
Simon Interviewed by His Hipster Dad
An interview between Simon Spier and his hipster Dad (from Becky Albertalli's novel Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.)
An interview between Simon Spier and his hipster Dad (from Becky Albertalli's novel Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.)
Simon
So, am I supposed to say something? Um. Okay, well. I’m Simon. And I guess I’m about to be interviewed?
DAD
By your awesome, hipster af dad? Yes.
Simon
Wait, seriously?
DAD
Serious as Sirius Black, kid.
Simon
Dad. Please stop.
DAD
No way. I’m on fleek. And we’ve got stuff to announce.
Simon
Do I even want to know?
DAD
That depends. Are you interested in dudes kissing?
Simon
I’m so not talking about this with you.
DAD
Are you interested in books with happy endings? In guys without heads?
Simon
You’re scaring me.
DAD
Are you interested in seeing the SIMON VS THE HOMO SAPIENS AGENDA paperback? Because BOOM.
Simon
What? OH MY GOD. Is that a giant Oreo on the cover?
DAD
Nope. It’s a sticker. You won an award, kid.
Simon
Um, sure I did.
DAD
I’m just saying. And hey. What do you say we give two of these beauties away to readers? I bet Becky will sign and personalize them.
Simon
Becky with the good hair?
DAD
Her hair’s not that good.
Simon
So, will this contest be international? Because I heard on the Tumblr that there are some freaking awesome readers all around the world.
DAD
Kid, I hate to break it to you, but it’s just called Tumblr.
Simon
*sighs loudly*
DAD
Anyway, yeah. Let’s make this international. And tell your friends from the interwebs they can enter by sharing this post with this hashtag: #simonvsppb
Simon
Got it. Okay, interwebs friends: did you hear that?
DAD
And did you mention the other thing?
Simon
As usual, Dad, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
DAD
Keep up, kid. The SIMON paperback contains a sneak peek at Becky’s new book.
Simon
A new book? Somehow, I doubt that. What’s the title of this alleged new book?
DAD
Funny you should ask, because: BOOM.
DAD
Simon
Wait, is that a page from the paperback?
DAD
Yup. And also? BOOM.
DAD
Simon
You’re telling me this book starts with a girl on a toilet? 💩
DAD
You got it. Meet Abby’s cousin. Her name is Molly.
Simon
She seems like a hot mess.
DAD
That is accurate.
Simon
So how do I read the rest of this excerpt?
DAD
Idk, bae. You could buy the SIMON paperback. June 7th, amirite? 😜💸
Simon
Dad. No. I am not your bae. Just…stop talking.
DAD
YOLO. Hipster dad OUT. 😎