Which Greek God or Goddess are you?

God of the Sky (Zoos)

Distinguishing Features: Pinstriped suit, neatly trimmed grey beard, stormy eyes and a very large, dangerous lightning bolt.

Now: On stormy days, he can be found brooding in his throne room in Mount Olympus, over the Empire State Building in New York. Sometimes he travels the world in disguise, so be nice to everyone! You never know when the next person you meet might be packing the master bolt.

Then: In the old days, Zeus ruled over his unruly family of Olympians while they bickered and fought and got jealous of each other. Not much different than today, really. Zeus always had an eye for beautiful women, which often got him in trouble with his wife, Hera. A less-than-stellar father figure, Zeus once tossed Hera’s son Hephaestus off the top of Mount Olympus because the baby was too ugly.

Symbol: Eagle

Roman name: Jupiter

Goddess of Marriage, Mothers and Families (Hair’-ah)

Distinguishing Features: Usually prefers classic Greek dresses and a simple silver crown, though she can blend in as needed. She usually appears as a beautiful older woman, and enjoys turning into birds when she needs to hide or spy.

Now: She hangs out where family life is strongest: the car pool line at school, weekend soccer games, and birthday parties. That strange woman you saw at Laser Quest, serving pizza and singing Happy Birthday? Yes, that was probably her. As the goddess of family, Hera will be happy to pack your lunch or comb your hair or give you a ride to school, but don’t talk back to her. When Hera is mad, she doesn’t just ground you. She’s likely to smash you into the ground.

Then: It’s tough to be the goddess of marriage in a family where everyone cheats on everybody. Hera has no patience with demigods, the children of godly affairs. She was the enemy of Heracles and many others, though she did have a soft spot for mortal heroes, like Jason. If an old woman asks you to carry her piggyback across a river, do it. You might win the favor of a goddess!

Symbol: pomegranate, cow (the motherly animal – no comments, please!), peacock

Roman name: Juno

God of the Sea (Po-sigh’-dun)

Distinguishing Features: Hawaiian shirt, shorts, flip flops, and a three-pointed trident.

Now: Poseidon walks the beaches of Florida, occasionally stopping to chat with fishermen or take pictures for tourists. If he’s in a bad mood, he stirs up a hurricane.

Then: Poseidon was always a moody guy. On his good days, he did cool stuff like create horses out of sea foam. On his bad days, he caused minor problems like destroying cities with earthquakes or sinking entire fleets of ships. But hey, a god has the right to throw a temper tantrum, doesn’t he?

Symbol: Three-pointed trident

Roman name: Neptune

Goddess of Agriculture (Duh-mee’-ter)

Distinguishing Features: The goddess prefers simple dresses of green or gold, though you can often find her in gardening clothes.

Now: Demeter divides her time between the upper world, where she oversees the growing season and produces commercials encouraging people to eat more cereal products (part of a balanced breakfast!), and the Underworld, where she visits her daughter Persephone and plays the wicked mother-in-law to Hades, who kidnapped her poor little daughter eons ago. He’s still not good enough for Persephone. She should’ve married the god of doctors!

Then: Demeter was one of the quieter goddess. As long as the crops were growing and the farmers were happy, Demeter was content. But don’t underestimate her importance. If you wanted to eat, you had to make sure you kept on Demeter’s good side. When Hades stole her daughter Persephone, Demeter stopped all plants from growing, and people started starving. Hard to make a cheeseburger with no grain for bread and no grass for the cows.

Symbol: Torch, Corn plant (though popcorn works, too)

Roman name: Ceres

God of the Underworld (Hay’-deez)

Distinguishing Features: Evil smile, helm of darkness (which makes him invisible, so you can’t see the evil smile), black robes sewn from the souls of the damned. He sits on a throne of bones.

Now: Hades rarely leaves his obsidian palace in the Underworld, probably because of traffic congestion on the Fields of Asphodel freeway. He oversees a booming population among the dead and has all sorts of employment trouble with his ghouls and specters. This keeps him in a foul mood most of the time.

Then: Hades is best known for the romantic way he won his wife, Persephone. He kidnapped her. Really, though, how would you like to marry someone who lives in a dark cave filled with zombies all year round?

Symbol: the helm of darkness

Roman name: Pluto

Goddess of Wisdom, War, and Useful Arts (Ah-thee’-nah)

Distinguishing Features: Dark hair, striking grey eyes, casual yet fashionable clothes (except when she’s going into battle; then it’s full body armor). Athena is always accompanied by at least one owl, her sacred (and fortunately housebroken) animal.

Now: You’re likely to spot Athena at an American university, sitting in on lectures about military history or technology. She favors people who invent useful things, and will sometimes appear to reward them with magical gifts or bits of useful advice (like next week’s lottery numbers). So start working on that revolutionary new bread slicer!

Then: Athena was one of the most active goddesses in human affairs. She helped out Odysseus, sponsored the entire city of Athens and made sure the Greeks won the Trojan War. On the downside, she’s proud and has a big temper. Just ask Arachne, who got turned into a spider for daring to compare her weaving skills to Athena’s. So whatever you do, DO NOT claim that you fix toilets better than Athena. There’s no telling what she’ll turn you into.

Symbol: The owl

Roman name: Minerva

God of War (Air’-eez)

Distinguishing Features: Biker leathers, Harley Davidson, sunglasses and a stinking attitude.

Now: Can be found riding his Harley around the suburbs of LA. One of those gods who could pick a fight in an empty room.

Then: Back in the day, this son of Zeus and Hera used to be inseparable from his shield and helmet. Fought on the side of the Trojans during the war of Troy, but, frankly, has been involved in every minor skirmish since Goldilocks told the three bears that their beds were a little uncomfy.

Symbol: A bloody spear, a wild boar (the animal with the nastiest attitude)

Roman name: Mars

Goddess of Love and Beauty (Ă-fro-dī’-tee)

Distinguishing Features: She’s really, really pretty. It’s hard to be more specific, because Aphrodite can change her appearance to become whatever you find most beautiful.

Now: She’s more beautiful than Angelina Jolie. She can often be found shopping on Fifth Avenue or trying on new clothes during Fashion Week in New York. She loves parties, and can’t get enough of gossip. If that sounds like a lot of people you know, you’re probably right. Any of them might be Aphrodite in disguise.

Then: She’s more beautiful than Helen of Troy. Aphrodite wasn’t afraid to use her beauty to get what she wanted, either. She promised Prince Paris the most beautiful mortal woman in the world if he judged Aphrodite the fairest goddess in a contest, and Paris readily agreed. When he got Helen for his wife, it started the Trojan War and thousands died, but hey, at least Aphrodite got what she wanted!

Symbol: the dove, which is odd, since it’s a symbol of peace and Aphrodite started a war, but oh well. Looks are everything.

Roman name: Venus