These Texts From Your Period Are So Bloody Real
These Texts From Your Period Are So Bloody Real
Aunt Flow is a bitch.
Aunt Flow is a bitch.
Aunt Flow
Congratulations, girl!
Katie
Huh?
Aunt Flow
You're not pregnant!
Katie
Tbh, I was worried for a hot sec.
Aunt Flow
But you can stop celebrating now.
Aunt Flow
Because debilitating cramps are coming your way in 3...2...1...
Katie
🔪🔪 *my uterus* 🔨🔨
Katie
UGH, I hate you. Couldn't you wait like, at least a day?? I have a tinder date tonight and I just bled all over my good underwear.
Aunt Flow
Period underwear is good for all occasions.
Aunt Flow
Katie
FALSE.
Aunt Flow
Why don't you get some FroYo to feel better?
Katie
YASS! I can even get 16 Handles delivered to my door. Life. Is. Good.
Aunt Flow
Actually don't. It's gonna make you bloated AF.
Katie
But I need it!!!!!!!!!!
Aunt Flow
Fine. But you might want to cancel your afternoon plans. You're gonna be super busy shitting your brains out. 💩 😆 💩 😆 💩
Katie
FML.
Aunt Flow
Yeah, sorry. Enjoy your salad today!!!!!
Katie
Remember that time Jake brought me that bomb salad for lunch?
Aunt Flow
Let's cry about that.
Katie
Why did he have to end things?
Aunt Flow
Let's cheer you up and get some ice cream. Get out of bed, put on some sweats, and hold onto your boobs as you walk down the stairs.
Katie
They hurt like hell.
Aunt Flow
Isn't it beautiful outside? The fresh air. The spring breeze.
Katie
*sneezes uncontrollably* Fuck spring!
Aunt Flow
lol light tampons!
Katie
I'm just gonna crawl back to bed and hibernate for the next 5 days.
Aunt Flow
6 days.
Cute pimple btw.
Katie
You're joking right? Where?
Aunt Flow
I know I should've warned you, but your chin looks like Mount Vesuvius rn. Erupting.
Katie
Well consider YOURSELF warned. I'm going to shove a super plus up there to shut you up!
Aunt Flow
OUCH! Enough already.
Katie
You promise to chill? Like, I want to go a full day of work and not even think about you.
Aunt Flow
Well that's recipe for toxic shock.
Katie
Great, now I'm gonna stay up all night obsessing over it.
Aunt Flow
I'll stop at night. I promise.
Aunt Flow
LOL JK. There Will Be Blood.
Aunt Flow
A Red Wedding, Game of Thrones crime scene in your pants.
Katie
Wedding! Ugh, I want to get married!
Aunt Flow
Too bad you're single AF
Aunt Flow
Katie
Pray for me 🙏
Aunt Flow
What about that hot Brooklyn boy from Bumble??
Katie
You mean the one who almost got me preg?
Aunt Flow
But you're not! Thanks to me.
Katie
You're always here for me.
Aunt Flow
Every 28 days.
Katie
My most reliable relationship.
Aunt Flow
Can't wait to see you next month!
Aunt Flow
Or will I . . ? 👪