Can You Translate This Shakespearean Jargon To American English?

Madam, we saw some actors on the way there.

Madam, these actors are well on their way.

When evil is dominant, the plants lose their vitality and die.

When evil is dominant, the plants will just eat each other.

Tonight she will eat until she's fat.

Tonight she might look bigger than usual.

Kill him, Antony.

Make fun of him, Antony.

And I bet she's a trickster too.

And I bet she's a smelly one too.

I don’t know what the matter is, but he’s given up on the case.

I don’t know what the matter is, but he’s gone to bed.

Time’s slowing down? I’ve never heard of that.

Getting time back? I’ve never heard of that.

And like mine, but it's making me lose my mind.

And like mine, but it's making me angry inside.