Which Presidential Scandal Best Describes Your Shortcomings As A Significant Other?

When stockholders of the Union Pacific Railroad Company founded the Crédit Mobilier of America in 1867, they provided shares of the shell construction company to members of Congress for a song. Congress then awarded the company lucrative building contracts in order to turn themselves a profit. Many of President Grant's closes confidants were implicated, in much the same way that your horrible friends are always getting you into trouble by doing childish things they should know better than to do, straining your relationship in the process. But don't take that to mean you're innocent: people are rightly judged by the company they keep.

In 1921, President Harding gave authority over Federal oil reserves to the Department of the Interior, whose Secretary, Albert B. Fall, subsequently awarded rights to those lands to companies in exchange for cash bribes and loans. One such tract of land, the Teapot Dome range in Wyoming, lends the ensuing scandal its name. Investigations into Harding's cabinet revealed one of the most corrupt in history, dubbed "The Ohio Gang." This is similar to how you're always straining your relationship by choosing to associate with lowlifes and idiots - like the time you leant your significant other's bike to Sam "just for the afternoon," and then Sam said that it got stolen but definitely put it on craigslist, and didn't even offer to replace it.

On June 17, 1972 five employees of Richard Nixon's reelection campaign were caught breaking into a Democratic headquarters at the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The event sparked an investigation which revealed a huge coverup involving wiretaps, surveillance, and other illegal deeds rooted in Nixon's own larger-than-life insecurities. He won reelection, but the scandal eventually reached the point where his impeachment was imminent, and he resigned before being pardoned by his successor, Gerald Ford. Similarly, your obstinate refusal to trust your significant other, also rooted in insecurity, leads you to snoop. This makes your partner feel disrespected, and rightfully so. You have to learn to trust.

In early 1998 President Bill Clinton gave testimony relating to a sexual harassment suit brought by one Paula Jones, during which testimony he denied having a sexual affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. However, a subsequent investigation revealed that was not the case, and Clinton was forced to backpedal. He became only the second sitting President to be impeached, for perjury, and plunged his family and nation into scandal. Is this reminiscent of the drama your cheating ass has caused? The depends on what the definition of "is" is.

In the 1980s Iraq and Iran were embroiled in a bloody war. Though officially neutral, Reagan's White House sold arms to Iran in exchange for assistance freeing hostages held by Lebanon - in violation of trade sanctions. Worse, the funds from the weapons sales were then used to fund contra rebels in Nicaragua's ongoing civil war, in violation of a law passed by Congress denying the DOD from funding the Contras in 1983. Senior officials, including the President Reagan and his VP, future President George Bush, denied any involvement, though General Oliver North was fired. Bush pardoned six administration officials when he assumed the presidency in 1992, absolving them from the obligation to testify on the matter. Similarly, you are constantly up to no good, and you never have the decency just to own up to it like an adult, admit your flaws, and learn from them. You're always waiting from someone to swoop in and save the day, or hoping that the fallout from your bad decisions will blow over. Fortunately for you, you're often right. But it's not good for your relationships.