Order a delicious Nando's meal and we'll tell you who to vote for in the 2017 general election

You're a bit unsure of this whole Nando's thing. You never do fast food, so this whole restaurant but no waiters thing is really fucking with your head. Even if you get wine and posh nibbles, you'll still be left disappointed.

You've had a bit of an identity crisis over the last few years, throwing in some truly out-there orders. A quinoa salad here, a chicken livers there, but you know deep down that you're eventually gonna have to come back to the classics.

"FUCK THE POLICE" You scream as they try to drag you away from the battery chicken farm you've chained yourself to. You order all the vegetarian options and sit with a scowl on your face, hoping to make your friends guilty about dragging you to Nandos. You're a true activist at heart, keep fighting the good fight.

Hot or Medium? 1/4 Chicken or 1/2? Sprite or Fanta? You're incredibly indecisive and spend hours trying not to fuck up yet another choice. If you were smart you'd realise that whatever choice you eventually make is going to be the wrong one, so you're wasting all your time sitting on the fence.

Chicken and Chips. A great British dish. Surely Nando's is something to be celebrated? Wrong. Whether it's the multicultural melting pot appeal, the largely immigrant workforce, or the presence of food with spice, it just doesn't quite sit right with you.

Your opinions about Nando's are too heinous, too ignorant, too far-removed from reality for you to be taken seriously as a member of the voting public. It's probably best for the country and indeed the world if you sit this one out.