Which Pirate Arrr You?

You are Jonathan! You are dad. Congratulations. Never spotted without your significant other in one arm and a loaf of bread in the other, you're prepared for any awkward social interaction.

You are Peyton. Sorry. When you're not being mistaken for a homeless person on the train, you can be found searching for milk in grocery stores and growing out a full beard or a bad mustache.

You're Liston Mehsgghrrghstle! You walk to the beat of a different tune — WREK radio to be precise. Your clothing has been worn by at least three other humans by the time it touches you and you dabble with experimental cuffing methods in your spare time.

You're Garrett! Your true personality shines when the party begins to wane and the chili comes out. You prefer your cigarettes like everything else in life: hand rolled and fat. When you eat crepes, potential suitors come from miles away.

You are Butts! You live and breathe computer science and can be found in your room with bass so thick it could suffocate some small children. Your calves don't fit in most pants and are more aptly referred to as cows.

You are Josh! There was once a time when you could say you were not a smoker, but no longer. You are a connoisseur of art, farts, and unrequited love. The last of which is featured in many of your original songs.

You are James! Fashion comes easy for you, unlike reaching the pots on the top shelf. The size of your heart is matched only by the size of your hair; this in turn is superceded only by the size of your muscles. You do lift, bro. We get it.