ALLLLVIN! Simon! Theodore! Which Chipmunk are you?

The youngest of the performing chipmunk brothers, Theodore is a sweetheart, but also a bit clueless. You might say he’s along for the ride, but never, ever in the driver’s seat. Like Theodore, some people just can’t get it together, period. Full stop. They’re constantly spilling on themselves (and others), losing their (and other people’s) possessions, and making life far more difficult for themselves (and everybody else) than it needs to be.

These are the folks—however nice and well-intentioned they may be—who are chronically late, underprepared, and overwhelmed. They have to open their suitcases at the airline check-in desk to take out two pairs of shoes, a souvenir mug, and a jar of beach sand that caused their bags to exceed the weight limit. Then they have to frantically figure out how to get this stuff on the plane before everybody in line behind them revolts. If you are a Theodore, fear not—you can get your shit and your luggage together.

Shit Theodores may need help getting together:
• Showing up on time
• Following directions
• Remembering where they put stuff
• Keeping their calendar up-to-date
• Actually owning a calendar

The eldest chipmunk is fun and he talks a good game, but he doesn’t plan very far ahead, which frequently gets him into trouble. Alvin’s kind of a “fake it ‘til you make it” guy, where the ratio of making it to not making it is weighted toward the latter. When the going gets tough, it’s usually his own damn fault—and he bails, initiating the exasperated “Allllllllvin!!!” refrain from his adoptive human dad/manager, Dave. (They’re a cartoon family. Don’t overthink it.)

Alvins (the humans, not the chipmunks) skate by on the day-to-day stuff, but when it comes to doing shit on a larger scale, they falter. These people arrive home from a relatively productive day at work and make dinner in the microwave because the oven door has been broken for three months and they haven’t gotten around to dealing with it. Or they can totally manage a fantasy baseball team, but when it comes to planning for retirement it’s as though numbers and statistics cease to have meaning. Finally, Alvins make the rest of us—bosses, colleagues, friends, backup singers, etc.—nervous that we can’t depend on them. Eventually the chances run out, the opportunities dry up, and you’re just another boy band casualty. It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you Alvins have your shit together a little bit, you can get your shit together for the big stuff.

Shit Alvins may need help getting together:
• Hitting deadlines (on purpose)
• Sticking to a budget
• Sticking to a diet
• Event planning
• Planning anything more than a week in advance

Finally, there’s Simon. Middle sibling, chess wizard, rocks glasses and a blue turtleneck. Always prodding Theodore and cleaning up after Alvin and generally doing more for the family than Michael Corleone.

Simons are objectively industrious, successful, and know how to operate a suitcase. In their fully functional, chef’s-quality ovens, they roast chickens on the regular. They plan elaborate shindigs, never say no to a friend in need, and are very, very good at spreadsheets. And PowerPoint. Other people marvel at Simons, whose grace under fire is complemented by their perfectly matched belts, shoes, and handbags.

Yeah, Simons’ shit seems to be together… but under the surface, maybe it’s not. They may have perfected the illusion—operating under the mistaken belief that being in demand, booked up, and perennially under the gun is a good thing—but their shit is on struggle mode even if nobody else can see it.

Shit Simons may need help getting together:
• Prioritizing
• Setting boundaries
• Ending a relationship
• Switching careers
• Maintaining their sanity