The Top Six Freakiest Deep Sea Creatures Ever by Mira Grant
The Top Six Freakiest Deep Sea Creatures Ever by Mira Grant
The ocean is... weird. We like to think of the land as being weird, and to be fair, we have our share of things that can charitably be called "unusual," but we have certain physical limitations to deal with, like gravity. So much gravity. Gravity puts a damper on things like "becoming genuinely huge" and "becoming a really effective ambush predator."
The ocean has pressure, but in the ocean, effectively...anything can fly. And we know so little about what's down there. We're finding new things all the time. Unsettling things. The Little Mermaid, if she were real, would likely owe more to Lovecraft than to Andersen.
Let's review.
The ocean is... weird. We like to think of the land as being weird, and to be fair, we have our share of things that can charitably be called "unusual," but we have certain physical limitations to deal with, like gravity. So much gravity. Gravity puts a damper on things like "becoming genuinely huge" and "becoming a really effective ambush predator."
The ocean has pressure, but in the ocean, effectively...anything can fly. And we know so little about what's down there. We're finding new things all the time. Unsettling things. The Little Mermaid, if she were real, would likely owe more to Lovecraft than to Andersen.
Let's review.
BEWARE OF THE BLOB
Kate McKinnon's portrayal aside, the blobfish is one of those creatures that makes a person go "wait, what?" They may be the only genuinely harmless thing on this list, not because they aren't predators--they are--but because they long ago decided that they didn't care much about silly things like muscle tissue and the ability to actively hunt. Slightly denser than water, they float along the bottom of the ocean swallowing whatever gets in front of them and being horrifying.
That's their entire job.
It's easy, being a blobfish.
IT'S FULL OF COLOURS AND STABBING
If you're the kind of person who seeks out lists like this one, you already know about the mantis shrimp. Everyone knows about the mantis shrimp. But have you considered that the mantis shrimp would, if larger, be a terrifying predator capable of slaughtering humans in a bad B-movie manner, leaving limbs and torsos spread across the beaches? They're faster than anything has any right to be, and there's a reason they've acquired the nickname "thumb-splitter" from aquarium keepers. Plus they can see colours we can't even imagine. Maybe they can see you right now. We don't know. And we never will.
SNIP SNIP
There are few creatures in the ocean that make me react with "why...why do we even have that lever?" With that in mind, may I present the bobbit worm? It's named after exactly what people hope it wasn't named after, because this polychaete worm strikes so fast and so hard that yes, it could do exactly what people don't want to think about it doing. Sometimes the creatures it chooses to consume are literally cut in half by its bite. Fun times, for the bobbit worm! Not so fun times for the fish now gently drifting away on several individual currents. Also they burrow, so any time you go wading, a bobbit worm could be right under your feet. Enjoy the water!
POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS
Everybody likes an octopus. They're cute and cuddly and have so many arms that they're basically designed to give you hugs and they're intelligent in an alien, slightly terrifying way that we still don't fully understand, and they've started coming up on land for funsies, and we're really not sure what they're up to, and as the sea levels rise their habitats expand, and they have every reason to be pissed at us and...um. Wait. Anyway, the Giant Pacific octopus is the largest, longest-lived octopus, and it can totally recognise and remember individual humans, and if it wanted to get a gun, it probably could. Just saying.
YOU REMIND ME OF THE BABE
What babe? The babe with the oh god the teeth there are so many teeth why are there so many teeth this is an unreasonable number of teeth make it stop make it stop. The goblin shark is what happens when evolution forgets to finish making something not absolutely horrifying, thanks. I mean, did the world need a shark with a jaw that could project forward like something from a horror movie, ripping chunks out of creatures far enough away to have considered themselves safe? No. No, the world did not. It's not the goblin shark's fault that it's so damn upsetting, but that doesn't make it better.
BEWARE THE LIGHT
The anglerfish is basically a ball of teeth and testicles. Literally. The fish you probably picture when I say "anglerfish" is the female of the species, several orders of magnitude larger than her male counterparts, which she collects like Pokemon. They merge into her body, sharing her circulatory system, leaving only their tiny fish testicles to dangle against her skin. She can use them to self-impregnate when she decides the world needs more anglerfish. Which she does often. Anglerfish are horrifying.
Have fun at the beach!
Which is your deep sea nightmare?
Which is your deep sea nightmare?
Check out Mira Grant’s latest novel INTO THE DROWNING DEEP, described by Kirkus as “Visceral... irresistible... a claustrophobic, deep-sea terror tale that will leave readers glad to be safely on dry land”.
Whet your appetite, read an extract here: https://www.orbitbooks.net/excerpt/into-the-drowning-deep/