What's Your Love Bonding & Attachment Style?

Anxious/Insecure Style represents about 20% of the population.

You love to be very close to your romantic partners and have the capacity for great intimacy but you often fear that your partner does not want to be as close as you would like him to be.

Relationships tend to consume a large part of your emotional energy and you tend to be very sensitive to small fluctuations in your partner’s moods and actions. Although your senses are often accurate, you can take your partner’s behaviours too personally.

You experience a lot of highs and lows within a relationship and can get easily upset. As a result you can occasionally tend to act impulsively and say or do things you later regret. If your partner provides a lot of reassurance and security you are able to feel a lot more comfortable and less insecure. You stop worrying as much and feel more contented and safe.

You anticipate being disappointed and/or abandoned when you are in need, and so your needs for closeness and connection can make you feel anxious, and cause you to turn away from or minimize your own needs in the relationship.
Although you may be intelligent and successful in most areas of your life, you can often feel clingy and “needy” in intimate relationships and find yourself needing reassurance and proof that you are loved and valued.


Your close connections can be quite emotionally explosive and reactive if you feel as though you are being rejected or are hurt in some way.

You have trouble setting appropriate boundaries and you may be afraid to state your true feelings and needs.

You suffer from fundamental doubts about your own inherent value and your worthiness to love and be loved.

You tend to be attracted to partners that like to keep their emotional distance and will create ways to maintain this distance either physically or by creating a barrier between you through an argument or non-communication.

You are likely to have had a pattern of unsuccessful relationships with unavailable or non-committal men which stems from the core beliefs that you hold about yourself and relating to others.

The great news is that by understanding your love bonding style and the way you attach to others, you can learn to identify the right and wrong type of partner and overcome some of the inappropriate behavioural patterns and unwanted insecurities and emotions in love.

Keep an eye on your inbox where I will be providing you with more details about how understanding your attachment/bonding style can help you to create a healthy new relationship.

Much love,
Peta

* Questionairre adapted from Experience in Close Relationship (ECR) 1998 Brennan K., Clark. C., and Shaver. P. and the (ECR-­‐R) 2000. Fraley. C., Waller. N., and Brennan. K.

Being warm and loving in a relationship comes naturally to you. You enjoy being intimate without being overly worried about your relationships. You take things in stride when it comes to romance and don’t get easily upset with relationship matters. You effectively communicate your needs and feelings to your partner and are good at reading your partner’s emotional cues and responding to them. You share your successes and problems with your partner, and are able to be there for them in times of need.

Did you complete this assessment in relation to your most troubled relationship? Your attachment style may vary depending on the context of which relationship. If you would like to gain further insight I recommend you retake the quiz and think about your worst relationship experience to glean more tips and understanding when love goes wrong and why this might have occurred.

Much love,
Peta

* Questionairre adapted from Experience in Close Relationship (ECR) 1998 Brennan K., Clark. C., and Shaver. P. and the (ECR-­‐R) 2000. Fraley. C., Waller. N., and Brennan. K.

Love Avoidant style represents about 20% of the population.

It is very important for you to maintain your independence and self-­‐sufficiency and you often prefer autonomy to intimate relationships.

Even though you want to be close to others, you feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and tend to keep your partner at arm’s length.

You tend not to open up too much to your partners and they often complain that you are emotionally distant. In relationships, you are often on high alert for any signs of control on impingement on your territory or freedom by your partner.

You spend a lot of time trying to protect yourself from being too vulnerable or from forming any feelings of dependence upon others.

You’re good at shutting down your relationship longings entirely, almost taking pride in not needing anyone outside of yourself to be happy and fulfilled in life.

You tend to push others away if they begin expecting too much consistency and closeness from you. Rather than seeing others as a source of safety and wellbeing in life, you may instead see others as a source of danger, and have beliefs that others want something from you that is somehow selfish and self-serving.

You give a lot of mixed messages to others, and instigate severe push-pull behaviors that can destabilize your connection.

You are attracted to 'impossible love scenarios' that are doomed from the start. For example, you’ll become involved with those who is already in a relationship, or get involved in long distance relationships, or start relationships that you know deep down inside will never really go anywhere.

You’ll have intense and passionate love affairs that are low on commitment and you tend to lessen contact with someone when you feel threatened and/or afraid.

You are quite self-reliant, and rather than move closer to try to resolve any conflict, you’ll pull away instead.

When you need comfort and support the most, you are inclined to withdraw into yourself and not reach out to others.

Further understanding your bonding/attachment style can help you identify the right and wrong type of partner and create a new healthy relationship and new patterns of behaviours.

Keep and eye on your inbox for more information.

Much love,
Peta

* Questionairre adapted from Experience in Close Relationship (ECR) 1998 Brennan K., Clark. C., and Shaver. P. and the (ECR-­‐R) 2000. Fraley. C., Waller. N., and Brennan. K.