What kind of garbage are you?

The most garbagey type of garbage. You radiate warmth, but not in a good way. Everyone wants to escape your steamy odors, but you just want to be loved. Good luck with all that.

Everybody wants you to get out of here, but they all know you're gonna leave a little drip drip drip to the door on the way out. It's okay -- depart with dignity. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

You may be garbage, but at least you're popular! What have you got in there? Cracker crumbs? Peanut butter? Whatever it is, vermin sure love you. And no matter what, at least you'll always have your roaches.

You carry the potential for disease and you contain high concentrations of dissolved pharmaceuticals, which makes you more sewage than garbage. You will spend the rest of your life in a holding pond just barely tucked into a pine forest at the back of a subdivision. Hikers will stumble upon you, thinking they've found a cool pond -- but no -- they'll flee once the wind shifts and they discover what you really are.

You're all over the place! A little here, a little there. Get your life together, make something of yourself! Don't just lie there waiting for some sort of community litter pickup event to solve all your problems -- it's not going to happen. Get up and get moving, man!

Some might say you're a dreamer: just a dumpster of used-up oil looking for a better life. Hoping that, one day, you'll be biodiesel fuel. But what then, my friend? Re-evaluate your priorities.