11 Reasons Martens Are About To Be Your New Favorite Animal

This is a Marten. A Marten is technically a member of the weasel family, but really, they're more like the weasel's much better looking cousin that it's super jealous of...

Martens live in coniferous woodlands in North America, Europe, and Asia. Because pine trees are the best trees, and martens know what's up.

Martens come in all kinds of sizes and colors, and they have bushy tails and soft thick coats that are valuable in the fur trade. But we don't want to wear martens. We want to cuddle live ones.

Martens were hunted A LOT during the 19th and 20th centuries, which is sad because if they hadn't been hunted extensively, we might have been able to domesticate them, and I want a pet marten.

Martens are, much like myself, introverts. They only meet up with other martens to breed in the late spring.

Martens are so introverted, in fact, that the territory of a single male marten can span 1-3 square miles, which sounds pretty damn nice right about now.

Baby martens are born blind and hairless, but they get REAL cute REAL fast.

In fact, they're as big and fluffy as their parents at about 3 and a half months old. LOOK HOW TALL.

Martenshave retractable claws like cats' that let them scale mighty pine trees. (Told you they were cat dogs.)

Martens aren't picky. These omnivores will eat just about anything, including squirrels. This civilized little Marten is sitting down to a nice meal at a stump table.

The Yellow-Throated Marten from Thailand IS BEAUTIFUL AND MAGNIFICENT AND COLORFUL AND FLUFFY AND EVERYTHING RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.