Which Stereotypical Laowai Job is Your True Calling?

You're an ESL teacher! Congratulations? Your pay is great for how few hours you work, but singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" all day to a bunch of little princes takes patience, okay?! If China doesn't work out for you, don't sweat it. There's always Korea or Thailand or working your way up so high in the EF corporation that your soul floats out of your body and your blood turns to cocaine.

Congratulations, you're a finance bro! You came to China because your dad did the same back in the wild west days of the 90s, and things seemed to work out for him. You pop around between Beijing, Shanghai, and Hong Kong and have a bumper sticker on your Niu scooter that says "The Wolf of Lujiazui."

You hit the jackpot. You're a tai tai/guy tai! You're the entire fuel behind the increasing number of luxury brands coming to China. Whether your spouse is a local or a fellow laowai, he or she is keeping you afloat and funding that fuerdai lifestyle that allows you to go to spa retreats in the Maldives.

You're French, and for you, that's enough. You don't need to be defined by arbitrary things like jobs and visas. Sure, you may do some freelance work here and there, but you do it out of passion, not obligation. The great thing about being French is that you're not alone. Your kind is everywhere! Embrace it and nothing else.

Congratulations! You're the editor of an expat rag. You passed over a state media polishing job for this because you have morals, dammit! You've only been in China for two years but call yourself a "China Hand" to everyone back home and have smug opinions on F&B gossip. You also call it F&B gossip.

Wow! You're a marketer! You're criminally underpaid, but that's alright because you wouldn't even be qualified for this position back home. You work like a foreigner but with Chinese hours, which means you never get a break. Just hang in there, though. You'll get that CNY hongbao next year.

Congratulations! You're the next Mark Zuckerberg. At least, you hope so. Your subscription at that yuppie coworking space is about to be up, but your app is seriously about to explode, okay mom? Geez. I mean, who isn't gonna download the next Uber for dog walking? It's fucking brilliant. God, you're a hero.