Are you Absolutely Fabulous?

Never before 11am, darling.

No. I’m practically teetotal. (Does the time I got a bit high on matcha lattes count?)

No. But I came pretty close to reaching for the gin on Brexit day.

Tell her you know how she’s feeling, but that you really don’t care. Still, you take her to Claridge’s for cocktails for a cheer-up.

Take round a bottle of wine and a tub of salted caramel Ben and Jerry’s and watch RyGos in the ‘The Notebook’.

Book her a boxing class at Kobox and Sellotape her ex’s face to the punchbag.

BLACK

POOL

X

Ask if you can join them, and yawn conspicuously for half an hour until they get the message.

Politely knock and tell them you’ve got a big meeting tomorrow, if they wouldn’t mind turning it down just a little bit please thank you.

Grab a bottle of Bolly and head upstairs.

Pedalo on the Serpentine.

Fizz poolside on the roof of Shoreditch House.

Walk on Hampstead Heath.

Notting Hill

Brixton

Kentish Town

The truth! Everyone feels your pain – rents went up by seven percent last year.

Kate Moss grew up in a house down the street.

That you’re saving up for a deposit.

Waitrose. But only if the food hall in Selfridges is shut.

Both. First Waitrose, where you pick up a couple of bits, get a free coffee and a carrier bag – which you then fill at Sainsbury’s.

Sainsbury’s. You’re not made of money, and it all tastes the same.

You will be doing all the cleaning and sorting out the bills, so you deserve it.

You couldn’t possibly fit your clothes into the smaller room.

What does it matter? You’ll be hanging out in it whoever gets it.

Easy. Your mate does the PR.

Gross. You’d rather eat out of bins.

The office intern’s boyfriend works behind the bar. You bribe the intern with the promise of a gold-plated reference and no more tea runs.

Oh dear, there'll be loads of fair-weather cyclists on the road then.

Strike what? A lamppost? How ghastly.

Poor bus drivers. I quite fancy the one on my route.