We Read Pride And Prejudice, So You Don't Have To!
We Read Pride And Prejudice, So You Don't Have To!
But you know, you still probably should. Because it's like, a classic and stuff.
But you know, you still probably should. Because it's like, a classic and stuff.
Jane Austen
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
Mrs. Bennet
The Bingleys have moved in to Netherfield Park!
Mr. Bennet
What's a Bingley?
Elizabeth Bennet
A very rich man, whom Mama is going to want us to marry.
Mr. Bennet
Oh god.
Mrs. Bennet
Don't be ridiculous! I only want him to meet us! And spend time with us! And maybe fall head over heels in love with one of your sisters! It would be very helpful, what with Victorian inheritance laws being what they are...
Mr. Bennet
Here we go again...
Mrs. Bennet
My dear, you should go and meet him!
Mr. Bennet
I've already met him.
Mrs. Bennet
WHAT.
Mr. Bennet
Yeah-nice enough bloke. I'm sure he'll pop over at some point and return the favor.
Mrs. Bennet
YOU ARE THE WORST.
Elizabeth Bennet
Oh-look, I think that's him now.
Charles Bingley
Hello everyone! Lovely to meet you all!
Jane Bennet
Hello.
Charles Bingley
.................hi..............................
Mrs. Bennet
Will we see you at the ball at Meryton?
Charles Bingley
Yes! With my sister, and one of my best friends!
Elizabeth Bennet
Lovely!
Jane Austen
At the ball....
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Balls are crap.
Charles Bingley
Balls are lovely!
Elizabeth Bennet
Balls are crap.
Jane Bennet
Balls are lovely!
Elizabeth Bennet
You should dance with Bingley!
Fitzwilliam Darcy
You should dance with the pretty one. The others are not cute.
Elizabeth Bennet
I'm going to rudely walk away now.
Jane Austen
Later that night-
Jane Bennet
I think Bingley likes me!
Elizabeth Bennet
uh-duh.
Jane Austen
The next day-
Charles Bingley
Miss Jane-would you like to uh-hang out?
Jane Bennet
Yes please!
Mr. Bennet
This should be good.
Mrs. Bennet
*spasms with joy*
Fitzwilliam Darcy
How are you, Miss Elizabeth?
Elizabeth Bennet
Go away Darcy. I don't like you.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
*oh my god she's so cute*
Jane Austen
The next day Jane goes to Netherfield-
Jane Bennet
*cough cough* I'm sick
Elizabeth Bennet
Okay, I'm coming. *Walks three miles in the rain and mud*
Okay, I'm here.
Charles Bingley
Oh! You must stay here!
Elizabeth Bennet
No-I couldn't! *Jane coughs*
Okay. I will.
Catherine Bingley
Super. My fave thing. More Bennets.
Elizabeth Bennet
I do love a Bingley.
Catherine Bingley
Really? Because I love me some Darcy.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
uhhh....I have really pretty libraries at home. Pemberley is lovely this time of year.
Elizabeth Bennet
Maybe you should go back there.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Well maybe I will!
Catherine Bingley
Oh no! You should stay here with me!
Jane Bennet
You should have a ball!
Charles Bingley
Oh yes! We should!
Elizabeth Bennet
Great!
Jane Austen
At the ball-
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Dance with me.
Elizabeth Bennet
No.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Dance with me....please.
Elizabeth Bennet
.....No.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
ughghghghghghghgh.
Mrs. Bennet
*drunk* WE HAVE NO MONEY BUT I'VE GOT LOTS OF DAUGHTERS SO IT'LL BE FINE.
Elizabeth Bennet
Ma Ma! Shut up!
Jane Austen
The next morning-
William Collins
Hello! I'm going to inherit everything you have because LAWS! Lizzie-will you marry me? We have so much in common, like Jesus and both being humans and being distantly related and both having dark hair...
Elizabeth Bennet
Oh good god no.
Mrs. Bennet
ELIZABETH! MONEY! INHERITANCE!
Elizabeth Bennet
Still no.
Mr. Bennet
Thank god.
William Collins
*storms off*
Wickham
Hello, ladies
Lydia Bennet
*swoons*
Elizabeth Bennet
Hello...
Wickham
Isn't Darcy the worst?
Elizabeth Bennet
Oh my god, he is literally the worst.
Lydia Bennet
Wickham; will you be at the ball?
Mr. Bennet
Do you all do anything other than go to balls?
Jane Austen
At the ball-
Fitzwilliam Darcy
I know you've all been hanging out with Wickham, but you shouldn't, because he is bad. news.
Elizabeth Bennet
Says you. Seems nice to me. I would totally dance with him.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Okay.
Catherine Bingley
Honestly though, he's the worst.
Elizabeth Bennet
Because you are THE MOST trustworthy.
Jane Austen
A few months later...
Mr. Bennet
I just got a letter; Wickham has seduced Lydia into running away with him!
Elizabeth Bennet
Crap.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
...I'll deal with this.
Elizabeth Bennet
Please don't.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
You're going to marry her.
Wickham
...No.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Yes.
Here's a bunch of money.
Wickham
Eh. What the hell.
Lydia Bennet
YAY!
Mrs. Bennet
YAY!
Mr. Bennet
....super.
Catherine Bingley
You know-these two grew up together. Darcy's father adopted Wickham, and then when he died Wickham was a totally bastard to Darcy.
Elizabeth Bennet
All men are terrible.
Jane Austen
Some days later-
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Look. Okay. I really like you. Even though you're mouthy, and sarcastic, and only half as hot as your sister, and poor, and grumpy-I really...I really like you.
Elizabeth Bennet
Well. That was literally the worst series of compliments I've ever been given.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
...I think we should get married.
Elizabeth Bennet
I can't marry you!
Fitzwilliam Darcy
What?! Why not?
Elizabeth Bennet
Because you told Bingley not to marry my sister even though you know she really liked him.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
.......I did, in fact, do that.
Elizabeth Bennet
Yeah. Not going to happen.
Jane Austen
Later on-
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Look Bingley. Jane Bennet-she's actually pretty great and you should definitely marry her.
Charles Bingley
Wait- seriously?!
*runs to the Bennet house*
Jane-I'm sorry I was crap. I love you. Please marry me?
Jane Bennet
Yes! Yes, of course!
Mrs. Bennet
Fitzwilliam Darcy
There. I fixed it. And I still like you.
Please marry me?
Elizabeth Bennet
Why not.
Jane Austen
And they all lived, happily ever after.